EveLeaf

This is where I keep my uninspired drivel while I wait for it to morph into butterfly-esque brilliance. Might be a long wait.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Chapter 5

Just between Archen and the fire stood a small cluster of people, about his own age, he guessed. Two boys, the oldest perhaps a head taller than Archen himself, the other of medium size, and a girl with long yellowish hair. It was the girl who was speaking. He moved closer to listen, though still keeping himself mostly hidden in the shadows.

“Oh, I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. Please, let’s go home,” said she, burying her face in her hands.

“Come now, Livi. You’re going to have to be braver than that!” the younger boy replied, his voice resonating with excitement, “This is a national emergency. It’s no time for you to start acting like a girl, you know.”

“And I suppose,” she retorted, and Archen saw her turn and make a face at the boy, “this is no time for you to start acting like a human being, either.”

The boy appeared delighted, clapping his hands. “Brilliant, that one was! You’re getting better all the time.”

“She’s right.” The tallest boy spoke up, his voice soft yet woven through with authority, “but not about you, Kite. We’re not needed here, and Lord knows there will be much work for us in the morning.” He placed an arm around the girl’s shoulders, “Come on then, let’s go home.”

All three turned to face him. The boy called Kite let out a low whistle. "The hero of the hour!"

Instantly Archen regretted the rashness of allowing himself to be drawn into their conversation. He must look like a fine fool, evesdropping on strangers this way. But Kite grinned affably, "Are the rumors true? Did you really lose your mind?"

"Kite, don't!" The girl cried out.

"It's alright. I'm afraid it's quite true," Archen admitted.

"Rotten luck, that is. What do you say, Durran?"

The tall boy stepped forward, his hand outstretched, "All I know is, a friend of the King is a friend of mine. I'm Durran, and this is my brother, Kite, and my sister, Olivia." He paused, "But I guess you don't know your own name."

"No, I don't. They've been calling me Archen, though, and that's as good a name as any."

"Better!" burst in Kite merrily, "They might have called you Balpheous, or --"

"Archen it is, then." Durran interrupted. "Have you got a place to stay the night, Archen?"

He hesitated, thinking of the place he'd fled from in such a hurry an hour ago. "No, I haven't."

"We'd be honored if you would stay with us. We have a house just a short walk from here, with plenty of room, an extra bed for the night, and Olivia is a marvelous cook."

"No, don't refuse," Kite said, clapping him on the back, "We're all in agreement. It's settled."

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eve,
Seems a bit awkward to have Archen shout out at the young people that way. Clearly you want them to meet. But you don't have to infuse Archen with the author's motives in order to carry the plot forward. He doesn't know why, but he is moved to stop them from going. The readers don't know why either. Could there possibly be an accidental meeting, for example, a trip or fall, a bumping into? Or Archen, listening to the conversation, is drawn out into the open and towards the four without meaning to. And when they turn to go, he is only paces away and his face is lit up by the glow of the flames and they recognize him? That might come as a surprise to Archen, because in listening he forgot himself and forgot that he was, in fact, a visible human being. That's happened to me before. You know, he'd be embarrassed to be caught staring or something.
Carly

6:24 AM  
Blogger EveLeaf said...

Thank you Carly. Your feedback is proving my most valuable commodity in this undertaking (and I might need an undertaker before it's all over).
I made the few changes you suggested - is it reading better now?

1:25 PM  

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